So, I'm not sure how I feel. During some moments during the day, I feel fine and realize that everything happens for a reason. Others, I'm so sad and all I can ask is, "why?". I remind myself that I am very blessed to have two healthy boys who thrive in their environments and are so smart and stubborn like their Daddy and me. I try to remind myself that we weren't even trying to have a baby, so why am I so sad? It's just the loss of the idea of having another Miller baby...diapers, formula, little socks, dirty diapers, toothless grins, crawling, laughing, first steps, etc. All of it, the good, the baby and the ugly. I had already gotten used to the idea of going through all that again, and for now, it has been taken away. I try to find peace in the fact that at least there was no baby to begin with instead of one without a heartbeat. I think that would have been a lot more difficult, if that's even possible to imagine. We told our boys last night that we are not having a baby right now. Alex just said ok and continued playing. Isaac didn't take the news quite as easily. He wanted to know more about what happened and why. Unfortunately, we don't know why, and that's what we had to tell him. He said, so we'll have a baby next August then, not this one? And I guess for now, that's the million dollar question... when will we have another baby? Only time will tell.
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