Presence not presents

For some reason, this year I find myself struggling quite a bit with the materialism that has come along with Christmas for my family.  I am not excluding myself from this.  Growing up, I always looked forward to making my Christmas list and hoping with so much anticipation to receive all of the things on my list.  I have found myself wanting to do the same thing with our children.  I have wanted since they were little to get everything that they asked for.  Now, as my boys are eight and ten years old, I am starting to seriously question the materialism I have placed on Christmas.  I don't think they are too old to change this.  I think a change can be made, but I am not exactly sure of the best way to go about doing it.  What spurred this whole in depth thought process is our boys' recent behaviors.  They are good boys at heart, but it seems like this time every year they start acting up.  And threatening to take away their Christmas gifts doesn't seem to make a difference.  So, I wonder, should we scale our Christmas way down?  What should we change about how we give gifts or how many gifts we give?  I did a little Google research and these are some interesting thoughts that I think are worth some serious consideration:

1. I won't encourage my children to ask for anything for gifts.  I won't encourage them to make a list.  Instead, I will watch them and ask myself - What are their interests?  What are they passionate about?

2. I'll work diligently to create positive memories with my children that aren't associated with consumer products.

3. I will reinforce the power of giving over receiving.

Another article I read stated that there is a link between materialism and self-esteem.  Children between the ages of 8 and 13 with lower self-esteem  place more value on material things.  To think that my child has low self-esteem is discouraging and makes me think maybe I should be doing something differently.  Like the article said, maybe I should reinforce the fact that they are worthy individuals both during their successes and failures. 

The final article mentioned the idea of giving time, not stuff.  This idea just occurred to me last night.  I would like to find some activity that we can do with our children every Christmas season that they will enjoy, look forward to and remember when they are grown.  Looking back on Christmases past, I don't remember all of the gifts I received, but I do remember the time I spent with my grandmother decorating Christmas ornaments, the times my parents or god parents and I went to look at Christmas lights and listening to Christmas music with my parents on Christmas night after all the presents had been opened.  I want my children to have these kind of memories.  And these memories have nothing to do with what material presents I was given.

Another piece of this that I don't know exactly how to address is grandparent's gift giving.  I really appreciate all of my children's grandparent's willingness to give their grandchildren what they want.  But, this year, I really want it to be scaled back and for my children to understand that it's ok and normal for them to be ok with only receiving a little bit.  They already have so much more than some children do, all year long. 

The last thing I would like to do this holiday season is to find a volunteer opportunity that will really put into perspective for my children how fortunate they are.

Having another child has made me want to make it different for her.  I don't want her to grow up expecting as much as her brothers do.  There is no one more to blame than their father and me; we have enabled their expectations, and now it is our job to change it.

a place to be

C and I sold our first home at the end of October.  We moved out almost two weeks ago.  The whole process of selling and trying to buy another house has been one for the text book on everything that could possibly go wrong in the processes.  We intended to have our house on the market before Heidi was born.  Unfortunately, that didn't happen.  Our home was listed toward the end of July and we had our first contract on it shortly after that.  So, we started looking quickly for a house to go to.  We found one we thought we loved, and put a contract on it.  Then our contract fell through and we were back at square one.  We got another contract a couple of weeks later, and we found another house that we thought we wanted to buy.  We put a contract on it and then after the inspection decided not to buy it.  Thankfully, the contract on our home held up and we closed on the sale at the end of October.  In the meantime, while we continue to search for another place to call home, we are living in an apartment.  C and I haven't lived in apartment for over eleven years.  It has truly taken some getting used to.  The boys seem to like it, so that's good.  Heidi is happy anywhere, and she probably won't even remember this time in her life.  I've had some really mixed emotions these past several weeks.  I am excited that we were able to sell our home.  I know that we need more space for our family now that it has outgrown the space we had.  I am nervous that we won't find the right place for us, but I also know that it will eventually come along.  I am sad because I miss our house and the home that we made it.  It was nothing on the day we sold it like it was on the day we bought it over eleven years ago.  It has so many memories.  All of my children spent their first night at home in that house.  My boys spent all of their Christmases so far at that house.  We had so many birthday parties and other parties there.  We put our touches on every room in the house.  All but one of the rooms had been painted a different color than it was when we built the house, and a few rooms had been several different colors over the years.  Only one room still had its original flooring.  We spent a lot of time and energy making that house our home.  Before we moved into the apartment we're staying in for now, we stayed with my parents for a week.  During that time I had a conversation with Isaac when he was talking about not feeling like he has a place to be.  I felt the same way, but didn't really know it until that moment.  Isaac probably feels better now that he has his own room again.  But, for me, I don't feel normal.  We have a place to lay our head at night and a place to put our things and I am thankful for that.  But, it is still not home.  I still don't feel like we have a place to be.

alex turns eight

My baby boy turned eight years old on November 10th.  To celebrate Alex's birthday this year, we took him and Isaac to see the new Thor movie.  We all really enjoyed it; it was a great movie.  After the movie we met my parents and Heidi and C's Aunt and Uncle at Red Robin for lunch.  After lunch Alex went with C's Aunt and Uncle to pick out his birthday present at Target and then we all met back at my parent's house for cake.  The festivities for Alex's birthday were limited last weekend because we were moving for the second time in two weeks.  We were planning to have a party this weekend to celebrate with more family and a few of the boys' friends, but Alex didn't make the best choices this week at school, so his party has been cancelled for this year.

Here are eight things about Alex at this age:

1. He's very smart and is very capable when he wants to be.

2. He loves his baby sister a lot and can make her smile big and laugh at him.

3. He is very strong-willed and can really be a challenge.

4. He learned to ride his bike without training wheels this year.

5. He learned to tie his shoes this year (finally) :) .

6. Right now he is reading at the level he is supposed to be able to read at by the end of the school year.

7. He loves his brother but likes to pick on and fight with him a lot too.

8.  He wears a size 8 shirt, size 7 pants and size 13 shoe.