For some reason, this year I find myself struggling quite a bit with the materialism that has come along with Christmas for my family. I am not excluding myself from this. Growing up, I always looked forward to making my Christmas list and hoping with so much anticipation to receive all of the things on my list. I have found myself wanting to do the same thing with our children. I have wanted since they were little to get everything that they asked for. Now, as my boys are eight and ten years old, I am starting to seriously question the materialism I have placed on Christmas. I don't think they are too old to change this. I think a change can be made, but I am not exactly sure of the best way to go about doing it. What spurred this whole in depth thought process is our boys' recent behaviors. They are good boys at heart, but it seems like this time every year they start acting up. And threatening to take away their Christmas gifts doesn't seem to make a difference. So, I wonder, should we scale our Christmas way down? What should we change about how we give gifts or how many gifts we give? I did a little Google research and these are some interesting thoughts that I think are worth some serious consideration:
1. I won't encourage my children to ask for anything for gifts. I won't encourage them to make a list. Instead, I will watch them and ask myself - What are their interests? What are they passionate about?
2. I'll work diligently to create positive memories with my children that aren't associated with consumer products.
3. I will reinforce the power of giving over receiving.
Another article I read stated that there is a link between materialism and self-esteem. Children between the ages of 8 and 13 with lower self-esteem place more value on material things. To think that my child has low self-esteem is discouraging and makes me think maybe I should be doing something differently. Like the article said, maybe I should reinforce the fact that they are worthy individuals both during their successes and failures.
The final article mentioned the idea of giving time, not stuff. This idea just occurred to me last night. I would like to find some activity that we can do with our children every Christmas season that they will enjoy, look forward to and remember when they are grown. Looking back on Christmases past, I don't remember all of the gifts I received, but I do remember the time I spent with my grandmother decorating Christmas ornaments, the times my parents or god parents and I went to look at Christmas lights and listening to Christmas music with my parents on Christmas night after all the presents had been opened. I want my children to have these kind of memories. And these memories have nothing to do with what material presents I was given.
Another piece of this that I don't know exactly how to address is grandparent's gift giving. I really appreciate all of my children's grandparent's willingness to give their grandchildren what they want. But, this year, I really want it to be scaled back and for my children to understand that it's ok and normal for them to be ok with only receiving a little bit. They already have so much more than some children do, all year long.
The last thing I would like to do this holiday season is to find a volunteer opportunity that will really put into perspective for my children how fortunate they are.
Having another child has made me want to make it different for her. I don't want her to grow up expecting as much as her brothers do. There is no one more to blame than their father and me; we have enabled their expectations, and now it is our job to change it.
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