a place to be

C and I sold our first home at the end of October.  We moved out almost two weeks ago.  The whole process of selling and trying to buy another house has been one for the text book on everything that could possibly go wrong in the processes.  We intended to have our house on the market before Heidi was born.  Unfortunately, that didn't happen.  Our home was listed toward the end of July and we had our first contract on it shortly after that.  So, we started looking quickly for a house to go to.  We found one we thought we loved, and put a contract on it.  Then our contract fell through and we were back at square one.  We got another contract a couple of weeks later, and we found another house that we thought we wanted to buy.  We put a contract on it and then after the inspection decided not to buy it.  Thankfully, the contract on our home held up and we closed on the sale at the end of October.  In the meantime, while we continue to search for another place to call home, we are living in an apartment.  C and I haven't lived in apartment for over eleven years.  It has truly taken some getting used to.  The boys seem to like it, so that's good.  Heidi is happy anywhere, and she probably won't even remember this time in her life.  I've had some really mixed emotions these past several weeks.  I am excited that we were able to sell our home.  I know that we need more space for our family now that it has outgrown the space we had.  I am nervous that we won't find the right place for us, but I also know that it will eventually come along.  I am sad because I miss our house and the home that we made it.  It was nothing on the day we sold it like it was on the day we bought it over eleven years ago.  It has so many memories.  All of my children spent their first night at home in that house.  My boys spent all of their Christmases so far at that house.  We had so many birthday parties and other parties there.  We put our touches on every room in the house.  All but one of the rooms had been painted a different color than it was when we built the house, and a few rooms had been several different colors over the years.  Only one room still had its original flooring.  We spent a lot of time and energy making that house our home.  Before we moved into the apartment we're staying in for now, we stayed with my parents for a week.  During that time I had a conversation with Isaac when he was talking about not feeling like he has a place to be.  I felt the same way, but didn't really know it until that moment.  Isaac probably feels better now that he has his own room again.  But, for me, I don't feel normal.  We have a place to lay our head at night and a place to put our things and I am thankful for that.  But, it is still not home.  I still don't feel like we have a place to be.