Glasses, a Mess, and a new CD

Last weekend we took Isaac to get his first pair of glasses. His vision was tested at school before the Christmas break, and we received a referral from the school stating that he needs glasses. So, we took him to get some. He picked out the frames himself and has worn them almost all day everyday since! His first day at school with them was a little tricky because he was worried that the children were going to make fun of them. I called Isaac's teacher after I dropped him off at school that morning to tell her how Isaac was feeling. She thanked me for calling her and said that she would talk to Isaac. I emailed her a couple of hours later to check on him, and she said he was doing great with them. She said she and the class encouraged him and told him how cool they are. It's amazing how hearing from someone else, the same thing his mother said, really sinks in! I am so excited for Isaac because now he says he can see so much better! Isaac has always made good grades, and now his Daddy and I are wondering if his grades will improve even more now that he can actually see what's on the board in the classroom!

my boy...growing up too fast

a close up of the cool frames he picked out

On Wednesday of this week we got another snow storm here in Nashville. Thankfully Isaac was dismissed from school early and I was able to get him and Alex and get home before all the snow started. The evening's snow was the main story on our local news, and they were reporting that it was taking hours for people to get home. I am so glad I wasn't stuck in the traffic! It was so cold that all the preparations to melt the snow just didn't work. It didn't help either that the snow was coming down so heavily and quickly. Due to the snow, the boys, Clarence and I all stayed home yesterday. Thankfully I have the capability to work from home, so I was still able to get a lot accomplished. Clarence worked on cleaning the house, and the boys... well, they helped mess up what he cleaned up. As usual!

Here is a picture of the mess that Alex made before he fell asleep. I guess it's hard, tiring work to make such a big mess!

And, since my new favorite song is by this group, Clarence bought me this CD today. I love that man! :)

Camp Fire

Tonight we decided to start a fire in the fire pit. Since we don't own a shredder, this is our way of getting rid of sensitive documents. Alex said we were having a camp fire, hence the title of this post. The boys enjoyed throwing all the paper in and making the fire bigger. But, when it came time to sit still and enjoy the warmth of the fire, they were bored. So, here are some pictures of our camp fire.

the flames

Alex and I - I love his sweet smile

Isaac and I - I love his too

All my boys

(Alex is trying to blow the fire out here...)

Pictures that make me smile

Most of these pictures are old, but I wanted to post something to make me smile. :)

Alex checking out some glasses

my sleeping angel

Mr. Goofball

my big boy eating snow

I do not want to dwell

So, I'm not sure how I feel. During some moments during the day, I feel fine and realize that everything happens for a reason. Others, I'm so sad and all I can ask is, "why?". I remind myself that I am very blessed to have two healthy boys who thrive in their environments and are so smart and stubborn like their Daddy and me. I try to remind myself that we weren't even trying to have a baby, so why am I so sad? It's just the loss of the idea of having another Miller baby...diapers, formula, little socks, dirty diapers, toothless grins, crawling, laughing, first steps, etc. All of it, the good, the baby and the ugly. I had already gotten used to the idea of going through all that again, and for now, it has been taken away. I try to find peace in the fact that at least there was no baby to begin with instead of one without a heartbeat. I think that would have been a lot more difficult, if that's even possible to imagine. We told our boys last night that we are not having a baby right now. Alex just said ok and continued playing. Isaac didn't take the news quite as easily. He wanted to know more about what happened and why. Unfortunately, we don't know why, and that's what we had to tell him. He said, so we'll have a baby next August then, not this one? And I guess for now, that's the million dollar question... when will we have another baby? Only time will tell.

From Disbelief to Reality

"You better take another one", "Congratulations!", "Really?!", "How exciting!"... These are all responses I got when we told someone that Clarence and I were expecting another baby in August. We found out on New Year's Eve and told our families a week or so later. From the very beginning we had questions about how we were going to make it work with another baby. We talked through it and we were ready with a plan for welcoming the newest addition to our family. I think we were finally getting to the point of being excited. We both wanted another child, maybe not yet, but we definitely wanted one. I felt like something wasn't right from the very beginning. It didn't feel the same as it did when we were expecting Isaac and Alex, but I dismissed it, and hoped that I was wrong. Then my fears were confirmed. I had spotting and then bleeding today. I had already called the doctor's office twice and knew that I had an ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday. But, I just couldn't wait any longer. I got in to the doctor's office today for the ultrasound. I have never been as nervous or sad as I was today. To have an ultrasound where you know something's not right is just not a fun experience. The ultrasound tech searched, and she found the place where a baby should be, but there was nothing there. Nothing. No baby. No heartbeat. No nothing. In that moment I was numb. I was expecting it, because I knew something wasn't right, but it still hurts and I couldn't help but cry. After the ultrasound, we went over to see my doctor. She tried to put the pieces together for the timing of the pregnancy to see where things should be at this point. Since I should be nine weeks, she concluded that this is just not a normal pregnancy. They drew my blood today and will again on Wednesday. The expectation is that my hormone levels will be lower on Wednesday, confirming the miscarriage. The hardest thing for us at this point is explaining it to the boys since we have already told them that a baby is coming. We don't think Alex will question it, but Isaac may have more questions. He's smart and will want to know what happened. I guess, in reality, nothing happened. There was never a baby, and that's what we'll tell him. A test said Mommy was having a baby, but when the doctor checked, there wasn't one. That's easier, to me anyway, than telling them that there was a baby, but he/she is not living anymore. For that, I am grateful. I am also thankful for my two healthy boys and my husband who loves us all. I am thankful for friends and family and all their kind words during this time. We will have another baby one day, and when we do, it will be the right time.

Happy New Year!

For New Year's Eve this year, we went to Kelli and Steve's house again. We had a great time! Here are a few pictures from our night.

This is a really cute one of Kelli...

The girls...and Mickey Mouse

Me and the hubby. This was the best one I could get.

This is one of the only ones I got of one of our boys. Kelli was trying to make Alex give her a hug before he went back upstairs to play with all the other boys that were there. :)

Christmas a few weeks late...

Well, it's a few weeks late, but we had a great Christmas! We spent most of Christmas Eve with my parents. We went over for a late breakfast and stayed most of the day. We all had a great time and the boys got two very cool presents!

Isaac eating his new favorite breakfast food, sausage cheese balls

Alex doing the same and looking so cute!



Alex was so excited to open the Last Airbender DVD from Granny and Grandaddy

Isaac with his very cool laptop from Granny and Grandaddy. Alex got a very cool gift too, a Vtech VReader. He loves reading his books!

After spending the day with my parents, we went to Clarence's Dad's house for dinner and more presents.



Isaac playing on the pogo stick at Nana and Pops' house. He got pretty good at it! I think he might just have to get his own for his birthday.

Here's Alex playing the guitar he got from us for Christmas with his new Woody pjs and cowboy hat. Love my little cowboy! He was singing a song that he made up.

Alex dancing with his guitar

After opening presents at home on Christmas morning, we went to Clarence's Nanny and Robert's for lunch.

Woody Buzz - Woody hat and Buzz Lightyear wings

Isaac was so excited to see that he got the Nintendo DS that he had been asking for.

Little Logan on his first Christmas



Isaac with his DS. He looks so grown up; before we know it he'll be a teenager!



Alex and Logan - Alex likes babies

Alex opening his Jessie doll from Aunt Sandi. He was so excited! He thought that Santa forgot to bring it to him because it was one of the last presents he opened on Christmas day.